While watching the Grammys on Sunday, January 26, 2014, I was very moved by the performance of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ song, Same Love. It wasn’t that 30 something couples (gay and straight) were married, but I was moved from one line of the song at the end.”I’m not crying on Sundays.”

It has been slightly over a year since I surrendered my credentials with the UMC because I am gay. And for many Sundays, the majority of this past year … I cried on Sundays. I cried for what I have lost. I cried for what could be but is not. I cried because I didn’t know who I was any longer. I cried for all that Kayla had to endure to support my ministry. I cried.

Often, I could not even bring myself to go to church and worship because I knew I would be a basket case of tears. I was grief stricken and I withdrew even further when so few reached out to me beyond the initial time period. To those that did continue to reach out, thank you.

But I’m not crying on Sundays anymore. And we, as a family, are attending a church regularly again. I get to and want to praise my God again, who gave me strength through it all and held me in arms of comfort in my heartbroken state. I’m not crying on Sundays! I can sit through a worship service and not need a box of Kleenex because I see a pastor baptize a baby or lead communion and I don’t. I’m smiling on Sundays! I’m healing! I’m thankful again!

And my prayer is that someday, others won’t cry on Sundays anymore either…

“I’m not crying on Sundays”